Sometimes I think I am a bit hesitant to say some stuff on the web because people tell me that I can't say this or that or that I'm too harsh or naieve. I mean I'm only a teenager so of course I don't necessarily have that much life experience yet, but I think I need to be able to say some of the stuff that comes into my mind and just express it. Why? Well, because if I don't I'll probably go insane. haha I mean, I'm not the most typical person. Sure there are people like me in the world, but I can't find them in my current situation. In my current situation I seem to be very unique. Unique isn't a bad thing, but sometimes it gets a little lonely. Having people not understand your humor or your point of view gets hard at times. Yes, there are a few people in my life who do understand my points of view on things, but then there are the people who don't. Often these non-understanding people are the people who consider me a "freak." I love being a so-called "freak" so...you know those people can just eff off. haha
Anyways what I'm trying to say is that I think in order to really fly I need to be willing to share the times I feel sad and happy. I need to feel comfortable giving my honest opinions on this blog and in my vlogs. I personally think that once I let go, it might be easier for me to start getting more motivated to do things and move my life in the direction I want it to go to. I'm still a teenager, but I feel I need to kick my life in the right direction. I need to stop caring about what other people think and focus on me.
So here comes the paragraph about who I am. (finally.) I am Amira Lukens. I'm currently 16 and about to become a junior in high-school. I am willing to admit right now that I do have self-image issues. Even though I've slimmed down and I've lost the chubbiness from my younger childhood I still sometimes think I'm fat. I look in the mirror and I'm just not satisfied. However, on the flip-side there are days when I completely love myself, my body, and just everything about me. I do try to take care of myself with the way I eat and exercise. It seems to be working out for me because I've been able to manage myself and stay pretty healthy. (I just have to work on my sleeping patterns haha) I consider myself to be a funny, interesting, and talkative person. (Just ask anybody that knows me...I freakin' love talking. haha ) However I'm also quite introverted at times, depressed at times, aggressive, and a bit of a downer at times. I try to act tuogh, but I'm a softy. I can cry easily which isn't always a bad thing, but kinda awkward at school. haha There have been several instances of where I got so angry that I broke down crying at school and those moments were really awkward because some people never saw me cry before. haha I do admit that I have these rapid mood swings, but I don't think I have any type of disorder. I'm just a teenage girl. So, it is pretty typical. haha I love horror films, metal music (and some gospel, blues, and old-school stuff), video games, marvel comics, drawing, and playing instruments/singing. I want to be a movie director when I get older and also a rockstar. haha My love of horror films and metal is something that I'm sure I share with a lot of other people. However, I can't really find a lot of those people outside of the metal concerts I go to here in thailand. (where everything is so....poppy if ya know what I mean. ) I love being creative and trying to make videos or short films the only problem is is that I also don't know that many people who are free or interested in helping..I guess. I write scripts and storylines for videos and films, but I don't have the people or resources needed to make it happen. Either that or I'm not being assertive enough. It might be a combination of the both. Anyways, want I'm trying to say is that I'm like...night and day. Hyper one moment, depressing the next. (I'm usually at home when I'm depressed. haha) When I'm with people I throw my downer moods out the window and I try to make sure that I and everyone else around me is having fun. When I'm at home I'm sometimes lazy, sometimes hyper, sometimes depressed, and sometimes...just plain neutral. (Which actually means that I'm spacing out and thinking about random stuff. ) I also forgot to mention...that I hate people. O_O Not really, but that is what people think sometimes. (and by people I mean the people who don't know me) hahaha I love my friends and my family, but I'm not into having a colorful social life. I like staying at home. I'm not into partying or being popular. One person told me that I'm really lame because of that. The truth is I don't really care about being liked by everyone. (I say that now, but the real truth is I'm very paranoid about other people. haha) I like hanging with either my good friends or my mother. Even my mother says I have no life. O_O haha There's no hope! XD haha I'm sort of like a roller coaster. If I was an animal I'd be a chameleon. My moods often dictate my life, which is sometimes not a good thing. I also admit that I'm like the girl version of the Forever Alone Guy. XD haha In the future I want fame and fortune. I want to be successful and I want my movie/music career to just blossom. I want attention, (only child. haha) that is why I love being different. This paragraph is getting really long. So to sum it up; I'm a pessimistic optimist who loves the arts and is anti-social person who hangs out with only her good friends and her mother. If you read up to this point, I love you. :D haha
The paragraph above sums me up...I think. haha XD I might revise it another time and add or remove things. I'm still growing as a person and I still am traveling down the road of life. Of course this page will change as long as I change. Anyways enough about me. Go read the rest of my blog. Or tell me about yourself! I love meeting new people. I also don't love meeting new people. hahaha XD I'm joking. XD I really would like to get to know more people so.. comment below and tell me about yourself! :D
Seriously though....go read the rest of my blog. :D
